Yesterday, July 21, was a day that will live in infamy. Just as we feared, the feud between Harris the cat and Tabs finally boiled over. Early yesterday morning, while Tabs was doing his rounds and checking all the office doors and windows, he spotted a suspicious long-haired brown tabby through the sliding glass door in the employee lounge. The tabby was canoodling up to the corporate barbecue.
It was a gross violation of company policy, and Tabs, as CFO (Chief Feline Officer) of Tabs the Cat Industries LLC, knew he had to act. Immediately, Tabs poofed up his tail, raised up on his haunches, and proceeded to mewl at the top of his lungs, but Harris was undeterred. He taunted Tabs through the window, faux-nonchalantly licking his paw and kitty hugging the barbecue.
This standoff continued for 20 minutes until eventually Harris wandered off, but it highlighted serious problems with company security.
This morning, by executive order, Tabs created the new Division of Inconsiderate Varmint Arrest, or D.I.V.A., a new special feline forces squad, and he personally conducted the first patrol himself.
Harris was nowhere to be found, and it’s a good thing, because D.I.V.A. agents are highly trained and highly dangerous.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,